Distracted Walking

Nearly everyone has encountered distracted driving, either as a participant or the spectator, or both. It's against the law in Illinois to text and talk on the phone while driving (unless you are using a hands free device). We know it's against the law and yet we still cave in to that urge to "just send one quick text" or "make that one quick phone call". We are consciously breaking the law, right? Guilty as charged. I can honestly say that I have done a "pretty" good job of just keeping my phone put away while I'm driving, however, sometimes sitting at the stoplight seems like a very opportune time to just send that one quick text, or check that last incoming email or missed call (because... you know it just can't wait another 15 minutes). Hmmm...I'm still breaking the law though. I know the law is in place to keep people safe, but I still choose to do it. All sin is considered sin…right? There is no higher or lower level of sin…right? Most of the times we get lucky and don't get caught (I'm one of them). I think it’s fair to say that we usually continue to participate in this “law breaking” mindset until we get caught and have a consequence (a fine, vehicle damage, increased insurance premium, physical injury, job loss). There are some people that have not been so fortunate to escape the serious ramifications of distracted driving and have encountered serious physical, mental and emotional problems, broken bones, scars that will last a lifetime (and fatalities), from the result of being a distracted driver or being the one that is impacted by the other distracted driver. When we take our eyes off of the road for even just a few seconds to make a quick text, read a quick text, or dial that number, we are putting ourselves, and others around us in danger, which is obviously why the law is in place…right? Let’s be honest with ourselves, the majority of us know we are deliberately breaking the law (for some people.. they justify it by just saying they are just bending the rules a little bit). We know full well that those “quick” distractions can result in consequences that leave us, and those we care about, in a frenzy of emotions, feelings and uncomfortable situations. The impact is felt all around us. It’s devastating. It hurts. We regret our stupid, selfish choices. We know this, but we still do it. OUCH! The title of this blog wasn’t a typo. Distracted walking. What in the world does distracted walking have to do with distracted driving? Distracted walking. Your walk with Christ. Your spiritual life. Your personal relationship with Christ. Taking your eyes off of Christ. Are you with me now? Now, think about all of the distractions you have encountered on your spiritual journey, and likely encountered already today. Take a few minutes right now and think about all of the distractions in your spiritual life, in your prayer life, in your promises to your Savior. Pray and ask God to reveal how you are distracted in your own spiritual journey. Those same distractions, whatever they are, cause us to take our eyes off of our Savior. Just like with distracted driving, we take our eyes off of Christ and our vision is blurred. We think we are invincible and we’ll be okay. We think we can continue down the road and keep making the conscious choice to be distracted. Wrong. It will catch up with you. You can have your eyes so focused on the distractions around you that you don’t even realize what road you are on or quite possibly that you don’t have your eyes on Christ at all. The consequences are similar to distracted driving. Loss. Hurt. Pain (emotional, physical, mental, spiritual). Brokenness. Regret. Turmoil. Lack of trust. Jealousy. Loss. Severed friendships. Strained friendships. The impact is felt on those around us, even if they don’t know what’s going on. We can’t change the past. WHY? WHY? WHY would we possibly want this mess for our lives? For the lives of those we love? WHY? It’s not worth it. I often wonder what’s worse, the heartache of self- blame for the pain we inflict on people we care about, or the deep, scarring pain of the brokenness from taking my eyes off of Christ. We often don’t even realize how far off the road we have become (hindsight is always 20/20 eh). How did I get here? What caused me to steer so far from my God who absolutely adores me, a God who has greater plans for me than I can even imagine, Yahweh, my Abba Father in heaven. I would never intentionally choose wandering in the dark, dry desert , over walking in a thirst quenched, thriving, victorious life with Christ. Who would do such a thing? I would. I did. I do. You would. You do. I am a sinner. You are a sinner. I made the conscious choice to be distracted and unfortunately, I also became the distracter. Double ouch. The impact was devastating. The losses piled up, almost to the point of me making a REALLY stupid and selfish decision. I’m eternally thankful for the person that loved me, unconditionally and without judgment (as Christ followers should do) at this lowest, darkest point in my life and my spiritual journey. One of the greatest losses was losing trust and friendship from someone that I had great respect and love for (yeah.. don’t judge.. I know what you are thinking. If you loved and respected them so much, how could you hurt them? I asked myself this a gazillion times. There are only a few words that I can come up with to explain this… BLINDNESS and SELFISHNESS). SIN. My consequences didn’t include a monetary fine, a get out of jail free card, or increased premiums. My consequences were felt at the core of my soul. Regret. Shame. Anger. The list goes on. It is felt deep. The results of distracted driving and distracted walking are very similar, however, are very different in nature. I, in no way, want to minimize the traumatic results of distracted driving, I’m simply comparing the dangerous, lasting effects they both have on us, and those around us. Along this life altering journey, I have had to make the decision between accepting God’s Word as truth and holding on to His promises, or throwing in the towel and walking away from Christ altogether. I listed the pros and cons. Life is hard with Christ, but there’s hope when we are hopeless. Life is hardER without Christ, when we have no hope in anything but this fallen, miserable world. As I sought God’s Word for answers, guidance, forgiveness and hope, He renewed my heart and even though I still battle with the destruction, I am reminded that I am forgiven by my Savior. I have not been forgiven by the people I have wronged and I pray that I would not be a stumbling block to them anymore. Throughout this part of my journey I kept asking God, with clenched fists and a tear stained face, how is it even possible to make this work for Your good, Lord? I still ask. The only good that has come from this wretched path is that it has brought me to my knees and has caused me to draw closer to God at a time of great loss. I choose to praise God for that, even though I hate and regret that it happened. I have a different view of life now. I have a different view of the church now. I have a different view of friendships now. I have a different view of who I am now. I have a different view of how I think people view me now. I have a different view of what it means to be forgiven now. I have a different view of what forgiving others is now. I have a different view of what grace is now. I have a different view of mercy now. I have a different view of who I am in Christ now. I have a different view on what it means to let go now. I have a different view of other people now. The result of taking my eyes off Christ has been complete brokenness, shame, regret, sorrow and deep pain. I’m a giver, not a taker, usually. I was a taker. I hate that. That isn’t who I am. But I did it. A forever scar on my heart (the only tattoo I have). I know how God sees me. I don’t see myself the same way He does. I’m thankful. Undeserving. Humbled. Forgiven. Some days it’s more than I can take to accept these words. We are sinners by nature. We lie, cheat, steal. We manipulate. We sin. We repent. God restores. Life is a journey. I don’t want to be a distracted Christ follower. I don’t want my family to have to feel the impact of my distracted walking any more than they already have. It hurts. I’m wounded. I’m weak. I’m moving on. I’m not going to stay stuck any longer. I can’t. I can do this in Christ. I’m free. I will grow. I will fail. I will become weak again. I will condemn myself. He will carry me. His arms are opened wide to receive me. He has a plan for me. He sees me as blameless. He loves me. That’s enough. Perspective is everything. Life is hard. Forgive. Distracted walking is disastrous. Keep your eyes on Christ. Don’t text or talk and drive. It can wait.

Lost

Have you ever been lost? Have you ever felt that sense of uncertainty that you "think" you might be lost or have lost your way..but you "kind of" know where you're at..where you're headed.. which direction you are supposed to be going? And just when you get that feeling that you're headed in the right direction again, something inside you tells you something different. So you stop. Wait. Look. Think. That last one is the booger - THINK. That is something I do way too much of. The problem solving, effective time management,organized, OCD person that I am says this THINKING is not necessarily a good thing to do (after all.. IT IS a waste of time). And yet that still small voice says "are those God's thoughts?" and I shudder to think about how much time and emotions are wasted on MY thoughts.
SIGH >>> I hate the overwhelming feeling of anxiety, panic, fear and insecurity that sets in when I'm lost. Second guessing the direction in which I'm supposed to be going, while justifying the confusion as a result of distractions, circumstances and dynamics that impact the road I'm on. And then there's the highway (which is more my speed)..the introverted, aimless, selfish wandering.. at an unsafe speed .. OUCH.
I may not have a GPS in my vehicle - but I do have a Savior that lives in me and will guide and DIRECT my path ALL the time. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NASB) reminds me to "Trust in the Lord with all your heard and do not lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Flowers in the seasons of life

Do you ever feel like a flower? Sometimes feeling strong, tall, full, beautiful and nourished, and other times dry, lonely, lacking and even starving? I never would have thought of comparing my life to that of a flower, but as I continue to seek God in the small things throughout my day, I’m faced with the reality of His beauty even in the midst of the dreadful “chores”. Watering the flowers has been one of my children’s summer chores. Today, being the hottest day of summer, the flowers were in DIRE need of a drink, but the kids “room arrest” came at a time that left me to do this particular chore (if I wanted my flowers to live). I really didn’t mind – considering I was a little overheated and my temper needed a little cooling off from everything that lead up to the room arrest. (Hmm.. I only wish I would have taken that cool down period sooner than I did – words spoken in anger are the hardest to forget. Sometimes more for moms than the kids).

Okay – so back to the flowers. Although it’s not the first time I have weeded my landscaping garden, or taken the time to enjoy the beauty as a gift from God, but this particular time it just really hit me. Look at the flower – it’s just minding it’s own stem-like flowery self growing where it was planted. It had all of the things it needed: sun, soil, water. But look closer – what is that reaching in between the small crack in the fence? Another flower – no – a pesky vine that DOES NOT even belong on THIS side of the fence. It might look pretty over on the other side – but it doesn’t belong over here. It is NOT wanted over here. It has not only crept its way through the fence, but it has also managed to intertwine itself around many of the flower stems, choking them and weighing them down. Now let me ask you again – have you ever felt like this flower does.. at the moment that this unwanted vine had so tightly twisted and maneuvered itself around something that was already attempting to survive the current demands of the season? I removed the vines.... yet again!
I’m not a gardener, but I do enjoy spending time outside and caring for the landscaping flowers, and yard, so it’s not the first time I have ever noticed unwanted leaves, weeds and vines. But this time, I was in just the right mood (ok..actually a bad mood) and had to resist screaming at the stinkin’ vine to stay on its own darn side of the fence. I’ve pulled these vines out SEVERAL times – why do they keep growing back? They are not planted on MY side of the fence. I considered going to the other side of the fence and pulling them out from the root (I don’t think my elderly neighbor would really mind) but I had a feeling – that would only be another temporary fix – but surely it would last longer than a week or so. Those pesky vines are constantly making their way through almost every section of our fence and taking over my flowers. I can keep grumbling and pulling them out (and I will) but I also felt like God was nudging me to stop, and recognize what weeds in my life have crept in and are taking over? Dare I name a few? Selfishness, busyness, hurt, fear, rejection, insecurity, emptiness, anger, bitterness…and I could go on and on. Just like these vines that are (I’m sure) beautiful on the OTHER side of the fence –where they are wanted – they are a nuisance to ME. How do those pesky little vines so quickly and easily sneak up and take over before we realize the weight they produce and the damage they inflict? Why do they have to interfere anyway?
I’m reminded of the passage in John 15:1-5 and just as I am the gardener for my earthly garden, Jesus is my Father and Gardener of MY life – and He holds my life in the palm of His hands – no matter what season or shape it’s in. He will continue to reveal the weeds, and give me what I need to thrive, not just survive, from season to season. “Thank you Jesus for the small moments that makes me aware of Your love, beauty, and forgiveness. Thank you for being the Gardener in my life. Amen."

Teeter-totters (TT)

Recently, while briefly sharing my heart with a friend over coffee, I explained it in the form of a word picture. I related my current "season" of life to balancing out all of the teeter-totters in my life. Sometimes I feel like "I" am trying to balance all of the different teeter-totters in my life. Here's just a few of them. Motherhood. Wife. Friend. Employee. College student. Church. Social life. House responsibilities. Kid's activities. Projects. The list goes on and on..
Sometimes I feel like I'm just living my life hopping from one teeter-totter to the next (with a big coffee mug always in my grip). My girls need some extra time with me - so I jump on that TT to get it balance. And then my husband is needing a little extra attention so I jump over to that TT. I need to do homework for awhile - so I jump on over to that one. Then there's the social life (well...there's supposed to be one...right?) so I jump on over to that TT so I can feel "secure" for a little awhile longer. Hmmm.. back to my kids again - I've been too busy on the rest. Oh - but I really need to pay the bills now - so on over to that TT I go. I'm tired now, but I have to check on laundry and dishes and get it in balanced so the House TT isn't aimed straight towards the pavement (that one would have a chain reaction for sure). Oh yeah - there's something at church tonight that I am excited to do so I'll just hop over to that TT for awhile and get that project prepared. Hmmm.. I think I just heard my husband grumbling under his breath that I've been too busy for him so I'd better hop over to that TT and get it back in balance. Oops - I forgot - I haven't spent any time with God lately or done any devotions or even looked at my latest Bible study book (wait... I haven't done a ladies Bible study for awhile..). Get the picture? Do you ever feel like you are so busy balancing out everything in your life that you completely ignore the MAIN TT - your SELF? Why is it that the biggest, sturdiest, safest, and TT of them all seems non-existent? It would sound logical to say that if the MAIN (self) TT is in balance then the rest of them would be too? Why is it easier to wear ourselves out trying to balance all of the other TT's when the MAIN TT sits vacant - or non-existent. Like only something that is a blur in the distance?

Teeter-totters have been off of school playgrounds for quite some time now - I endured my share of pain - as well as inflicting pain on others ( my friends nonetheless ). Of course this pain wasn't intentional - just accidental - but it happened. One of my childhood memories (I'm guessing 1st or 2nd grade) I remember "bouncing" my best friend clean off of the teeter totter onto the asphalt. I still remember how bad I felt - even though it was just an accident. Just as the teeter-totters have been (or should be) removed from school playgrounds and parks - I need to re-evaluate which teeter totters need just be removed from my life. Discarded. Removed. Eliminated. Maybe I wouldn't be so tired if I had fewer ones to try to balance? Obviously there are some TT's that are permanently sunk in the playground and should NOT be removed (God, marriage, family...)

You know what's amazing amongst all of those TT's - the TT that is waiting to be balanced out more than anything - is the one that needs to be balanced out with me & God. You see - He's waiting for me to stop hopping from TT to TT and just sit - BE STILL - with Him. With God,
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" Phillipians 4:13
I think my "self with God TT" should be equipped with a strap to hold me there - and a safety harness when I start to fall.

But I do it the hard way - the exhausting way - the way that leaves me drained, exhausted, and not even excited to jump to the next one (even if it just needs a teeny tiny adjustment). I didn't forget about the exercise TT - there really isn't one ;-)

God, please help me to just rest in You, give me the strength I need to balance everything in my life in a way that is pleasing to You. Amen.