Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Flowers in the seasons of life

Do you ever feel like a flower? Sometimes feeling strong, tall, full, beautiful and nourished, and other times dry, lonely, lacking and even starving? I never would have thought of comparing my life to that of a flower, but as I continue to seek God in the small things throughout my day, I’m faced with the reality of His beauty even in the midst of the dreadful “chores”. Watering the flowers has been one of my children’s summer chores. Today, being the hottest day of summer, the flowers were in DIRE need of a drink, but the kids “room arrest” came at a time that left me to do this particular chore (if I wanted my flowers to live). I really didn’t mind – considering I was a little overheated and my temper needed a little cooling off from everything that lead up to the room arrest. (Hmm.. I only wish I would have taken that cool down period sooner than I did – words spoken in anger are the hardest to forget. Sometimes more for moms than the kids).

Okay – so back to the flowers. Although it’s not the first time I have weeded my landscaping garden, or taken the time to enjoy the beauty as a gift from God, but this particular time it just really hit me. Look at the flower – it’s just minding it’s own stem-like flowery self growing where it was planted. It had all of the things it needed: sun, soil, water. But look closer – what is that reaching in between the small crack in the fence? Another flower – no – a pesky vine that DOES NOT even belong on THIS side of the fence. It might look pretty over on the other side – but it doesn’t belong over here. It is NOT wanted over here. It has not only crept its way through the fence, but it has also managed to intertwine itself around many of the flower stems, choking them and weighing them down. Now let me ask you again – have you ever felt like this flower does.. at the moment that this unwanted vine had so tightly twisted and maneuvered itself around something that was already attempting to survive the current demands of the season? I removed the vines.... yet again!
I’m not a gardener, but I do enjoy spending time outside and caring for the landscaping flowers, and yard, so it’s not the first time I have ever noticed unwanted leaves, weeds and vines. But this time, I was in just the right mood (ok..actually a bad mood) and had to resist screaming at the stinkin’ vine to stay on its own darn side of the fence. I’ve pulled these vines out SEVERAL times – why do they keep growing back? They are not planted on MY side of the fence. I considered going to the other side of the fence and pulling them out from the root (I don’t think my elderly neighbor would really mind) but I had a feeling – that would only be another temporary fix – but surely it would last longer than a week or so. Those pesky vines are constantly making their way through almost every section of our fence and taking over my flowers. I can keep grumbling and pulling them out (and I will) but I also felt like God was nudging me to stop, and recognize what weeds in my life have crept in and are taking over? Dare I name a few? Selfishness, busyness, hurt, fear, rejection, insecurity, emptiness, anger, bitterness…and I could go on and on. Just like these vines that are (I’m sure) beautiful on the OTHER side of the fence –where they are wanted – they are a nuisance to ME. How do those pesky little vines so quickly and easily sneak up and take over before we realize the weight they produce and the damage they inflict? Why do they have to interfere anyway?
I’m reminded of the passage in John 15:1-5 and just as I am the gardener for my earthly garden, Jesus is my Father and Gardener of MY life – and He holds my life in the palm of His hands – no matter what season or shape it’s in. He will continue to reveal the weeds, and give me what I need to thrive, not just survive, from season to season. “Thank you Jesus for the small moments that makes me aware of Your love, beauty, and forgiveness. Thank you for being the Gardener in my life. Amen."

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Teeter-totters (TT)

Recently, while briefly sharing my heart with a friend over coffee, I explained it in the form of a word picture. I related my current "season" of life to balancing out all of the teeter-totters in my life. Sometimes I feel like "I" am trying to balance all of the different teeter-totters in my life. Here's just a few of them. Motherhood. Wife. Friend. Employee. College student. Church. Social life. House responsibilities. Kid's activities. Projects. The list goes on and on..
Sometimes I feel like I'm just living my life hopping from one teeter-totter to the next (with a big coffee mug always in my grip). My girls need some extra time with me - so I jump on that TT to get it balance. And then my husband is needing a little extra attention so I jump over to that TT. I need to do homework for awhile - so I jump on over to that one. Then there's the social life (well...there's supposed to be one...right?) so I jump on over to that TT so I can feel "secure" for a little awhile longer. Hmmm.. back to my kids again - I've been too busy on the rest. Oh - but I really need to pay the bills now - so on over to that TT I go. I'm tired now, but I have to check on laundry and dishes and get it in balanced so the House TT isn't aimed straight towards the pavement (that one would have a chain reaction for sure). Oh yeah - there's something at church tonight that I am excited to do so I'll just hop over to that TT for awhile and get that project prepared. Hmmm.. I think I just heard my husband grumbling under his breath that I've been too busy for him so I'd better hop over to that TT and get it back in balance. Oops - I forgot - I haven't spent any time with God lately or done any devotions or even looked at my latest Bible study book (wait... I haven't done a ladies Bible study for awhile..). Get the picture? Do you ever feel like you are so busy balancing out everything in your life that you completely ignore the MAIN TT - your SELF? Why is it that the biggest, sturdiest, safest, and TT of them all seems non-existent? It would sound logical to say that if the MAIN (self) TT is in balance then the rest of them would be too? Why is it easier to wear ourselves out trying to balance all of the other TT's when the MAIN TT sits vacant - or non-existent. Like only something that is a blur in the distance?

Teeter-totters have been off of school playgrounds for quite some time now - I endured my share of pain - as well as inflicting pain on others ( my friends nonetheless ). Of course this pain wasn't intentional - just accidental - but it happened. One of my childhood memories (I'm guessing 1st or 2nd grade) I remember "bouncing" my best friend clean off of the teeter totter onto the asphalt. I still remember how bad I felt - even though it was just an accident. Just as the teeter-totters have been (or should be) removed from school playgrounds and parks - I need to re-evaluate which teeter totters need just be removed from my life. Discarded. Removed. Eliminated. Maybe I wouldn't be so tired if I had fewer ones to try to balance? Obviously there are some TT's that are permanently sunk in the playground and should NOT be removed (God, marriage, family...)

You know what's amazing amongst all of those TT's - the TT that is waiting to be balanced out more than anything - is the one that needs to be balanced out with me & God. You see - He's waiting for me to stop hopping from TT to TT and just sit - BE STILL - with Him. With God,
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" Phillipians 4:13
I think my "self with God TT" should be equipped with a strap to hold me there - and a safety harness when I start to fall.

But I do it the hard way - the exhausting way - the way that leaves me drained, exhausted, and not even excited to jump to the next one (even if it just needs a teeny tiny adjustment). I didn't forget about the exercise TT - there really isn't one ;-)

God, please help me to just rest in You, give me the strength I need to balance everything in my life in a way that is pleasing to You. Amen.